Repaying the Universe: A Story of Infertility and Surrogacy
By Sheena Clyburn
I’m still shocked looking back at my younger self, who thought having children was not in the cards for me. I didn’t want anything to do with children. I was quite selfish and felt like I didn’t want to waste my life and money taking care of a baby. That was until I met my husband.
I was 28 at the time and his son had just turned two. As I watched how amazing he was as a father, the love he showed, the connection between the two of them, something inside of me changed. I wanted that. I wanted to know what it felt like to be someone’s whole world. Knowing I would never truly have that bond with my step son, we started talking about having children of our own.
As we began trying to get pregnant, I thought to myself that this will happen quickly, I’d be pregnant next month. Wrong. It didn’t happen like it did in the movies. A few months went by – with one negative pregnancy test after another. I was tracking my cycles and ovulation dates, and still nothing. Feeling discouraged, I decided to book a doctor’s appointment to try and figure out why I wasn’t getting pregnant. After having some blood work done, I was informed that I had a very low fertility rate. My husband was also checked to make sure his swimmers were healthy and strong. But it wasn’t him, it was me. I was prescribed fertility medications and told to try and lose some weight. Fast forward a year and a half later; the medications weren’t working, I’d had 18 negative pregnancy tests, and very little weight loss. Still, I wasn’t about to give up.
I was referred to an obstetrician at this point. After having a consultation with her, she sent me for further testing. It turned out I was riddled with Endometriosis and PCOS. She put me on medication to see if that would help with my weight loss. Then I was booked in for Laparoscopic surgery to get a closer look at my reproductive system and to burn off the Endometriosis. By the time I got in for the surgery, I was at the two year mark of trying to conceive.
When I went back to my OB’s office for my results, I instantly felt a bad vibe. She started saying she was successful in getting all of the endometriosis burned off but unfortunately, it’s not a complete cure and it can come back. Then the bad news. She had done a dye test to see where the dye would flow, (dumbed down for me to understand) this mimics the sperm swimming through my fallopian tubes. The results, I had two completely blocked tubes – 0% of the dye had gotten through.
My OB explained my eggs were being released only to be reabsorbed by my body. My chances of ever getting pregnant were next to nothing. She apologized for the outcome and said that I would require major surgery to remove the blockages and that it may be good for us to begin looking into other options, such as adoption. The wait list for the surgery could take over a year, and I was referred to a specialist.
I walked out of the clinic, sat in my truck, and it all hit me like a train. I cried for the first time in our 2 years of trying. I thought I’d never have that loving bond I was so desperate to feel. After telling my husband (fiancé at the time) the news, we grieved together and told the rest of the family.
January 1, 2015. New Year, New Me, right? I started to focus on our wedding which we had planned for April in Las Vegas. I had come to terms with needing surgery and waited for the call to book. I needed to stop worrying and change my mind set. My dad, of all people, went wedding dress shopping with me. Previously I had planned to have a dress with a tie up back in case I ended up pregnant for our wedding. But everything I tried on didn’t fit right, so I considered some other options. When I came out of the dressing room, my dad’s eyes lit up.
“Wow, that looks beautiful on you! That’s the one and I’ll even pay for it.”
Hearing those words from my dad felt like winning the lottery. Compliments don’t come out of that man’s mouth. For that reason, we got the dress, which had a zipper in the back and boning in the front. (I’ll explain why I mentioned the details of the dress later.)
With our wedding plans well on the way, we started looking into adoption. I told myself I wanted to be a mother by the time I turned 30. It was a deadline in my mind. While scrolling through Facebook one day, I saw a post from a Medium that was coming to town and was taking bookings. I felt drawn to this opportunity. I needed to know what my grandma thought of everything that had been occurring in my life. My grandma had raised me as her own. She had promised to be at my wedding, but life had other plans.
In mid-January, I attended my booking with the Medium. As I sat down in front of her, she smiled and said, “Wow. You are surrounded by a bright pink aura and people who love you. Are you trying to get pregnant?” I informed her that I had been and that while I had not become pregnant yet, I wasn’t giving up. She then went on to say, “The body is a powerful thing and it can heal itself. If you truly want to be pregnant, don’t believe in what the doctors say. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from the universe.” As I listened to her, something began to feel different. She smiled again, and said, “You feel that? The tingling in your lower stomach? That’s your body healing itself with the help of the ones standing behind you.”
She mentioned my grandparents and what she referred to as a happy white fluff ball, which was my grandma’s dog, Timber. After I left, I felt so good and was so happy that I had decided to see her.
A few weeks passed, along with my 30th birthday. As the end of February was approaching, I realized something odd. I had missed my period. Knowing it was going to be negative, I figured, why not? Let’s try a pregnancy test one last time. After taking the test, I looked down at the stick. Two lines. WHAT?! Why are there two lines? I took two more tests. Both were positive.
My mind was blown. I sent a photo of the three tests to my fiancé. He was at work that day and after what felt like the longest wait of my life, he finally replied saying, “NO WAY!!” I booked in with my OB to confirm the pregnancy and even she was shocked. “How did this happen? Must be a miracle,” she said.
Back to my wedding dress. Well crap. Was it going to fit me? I should have stuck with the tie up back idea. It did fit, but barely. On my wedding day, the boning poked my little baby bump. My back fat was all squished in. But none of that mattered. I gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl via c-section on October 15, 2015.
Looking back at the conception date, the medium was right, I was pregnant at the beginning of February 2015. My wish to become a mother by the time I turned 30 had come true. I went on to have a second child; no drugs, no negative tests. My second miracle baby girl was born via c-section on November 4, 2017.
Now what does all this have to do with surrogacy? Once again, while scrolling through Facebook, I came across a post asking, “Have you ever considered becoming a surrogate?” I hadn’t thought about it until that very moment. After reading all the requirements and seeing that I met them all, I messaged the woman who made the post. She ended up meeting me in person and we had a lengthy conversation about surrogacy. It felt right.
Once I make up my mind about something, it’s hard for me to change it. It will fester bigger and bigger until I actually do it. The more I thought about surrogacy, the more my mind went back to the Medium saying, “Ask the Universe for help.” This was my chance to repay the Universe who gave us the gift of two daughters.
When I asked my husband what he thought of me being a surrogate, his instant response was, “No way am I letting you get pregnant by another man.” After explaining how surrogacy worked, how important it was to me, and that I felt I NEEDED to repay the Universe, he agreed to the idea.
I contacted JA Surrogacy and they got to work right away on intended parent profiles that matched mine. It was a bit rocky at first. Two sets of parents I had originally chosen, did not reciprocate and choose me. As a new surrogate, this is where you can start to second guess your decision. What could possibly be wrong with my profile? Is it because I said I was infertile at one point in my life? Is it because I’m still a bit overweight from my own pregnancies? Is it the Universe telling me that this isn’t going to work? But the staff at JA assured me that the right match would happen, that it wasn’t me, and to not get discouraged.
Shortly after I was sent a few more profiles to view. One in particular stood out to me. As I’d done previously, I wrote a letter to the intended parents telling them the reason I picked them and why I would love to be their surrogate. Then I got an email back from JA saying ‘Congratulations on your match!’ Wow…this is happening!
On December 20, 2019, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl born via c-section. She’s living the dream with both her fathers in Milan, Italy. What a place to grow up!
After she was born I thought I was done with pregnancy, but then another thought came to mind. I had two children of my own, and I had only repaid one of two gifts. The timing was perfect. My girls were still young, and I was still at home to raise them. What better timing to do a second surrogacy? I brought the idea up to my husband and this time there was much less convincing to do. He loves our Italian intended parents. We grew an amazing new family on our last journey. He also got a kick out of people’s reactions when he mentioned the baby wasn’t his.
I contacted my previous intended parents and asked them how they felt about me doing a second journey. Out of respect and the possibility they may want to do a sibling journey, I asked them if they had been planning for a sibling. I would wait for them if they were. They gave me their blessing and informed me they were happy with just one child. They wished me all the best in helping another family.
I was ready for my second journey and reached out to JA. New profiles arrived in my inbox, this time was different from my first journey. Last time, I received photos and written profiles. Now, I was sent video profiles which made matching feel much more personal. Another profile stood out to me. JA informed them I was interested in being their surrogate and they responded very quickly. They said they loved my reasoning for becoming a surrogate. They were happy to see I had a successful surrogacy journey already and were eager to start. I had specifically requested to deal with the same fertility clinic, the same doctor, Dr. Baratz from Create, since everything went so smoothly the first time. My chosen couple had embryos there already, it was meant to be!
On March 5, 2022, I gave birth via c-section to my last little miracle – a baby boy who is now living his best life in Zurich, Switzerland with his two fathers.
My OB confirmed I shouldn’t carry anymore pregnancies. The risk is too high for a 5th c-section. I am ok with that. I fulfilled my dreams of providing two families with babies of their own. I gave the gift of life and filled this void, that I had once felt so deeply, for someone else.
Surrogacy has been one of my greatest achievements. The things I have learned on my journey: the saying ‘never say never’ is so true, always believe in miracles, and ask for help from the Universe or a higher power that you believe in - it could end up helping you in the most unexpected ways.