A Long Difficult Journey It Has Been

Someone is waving ‘Hello’.

By George, Intended Parent

Hello, my name is George. This is a story of my journey from adoption to surrogacy.

My story starts many years ago, and it’s a long one, so bear with me and let me start just 10 years ago.

Being a teacher, I was so aware of the many children that needed a safe home and caring parents. I wanted to give a home to a child that was already in the world. So, one day, I decided to start the process to becoming a certified foster parent. It takes many months of training and intense scrutiny, as it should, to be allowed to take in children that are in need of love and care. It seemed like a long time then, but I was fortunate to get my first “placement” after six moths. I had prepared a room and a plan to give a child in need, the needs they deserve.

Coming soon… it’s going to be a beautiful baby BOY!

This child, like the others that followed and the many others in care, came with not only little possessions but little hope. It was difficult. It was tiring. It was complicated. When you receive a child, you aren’t just accepting them into your life but a whole team of people and all their challenges. You see, for me, it was difficult to see my foster children have a need or problem and not be able to successfully advocate for them time after time. When you live with a foster child everyday that you care about greatly, see them struggle through trauma, guide them through it all, give them love, and give it your all, you are not the guardian and have little say in their difficult journey through life. I cared too much and it hurt to see them go. I know I made a difference in their lives and don’t regret being a part of their lives at all, but I wanted a child of my own, someone I could love through it all. Foster care and public adoption was just not the path for me.

A ray of hope came to me out of the blue when I wasn’t looking for it. A friend came to me and told me of a college student that become pregnant. She wasn’t yet sure how to approach a big moment in her young life. The friend asked if I could share my story with her, which I gladly did. After a couple weeks, the three of us sat down and talked it over. She decided to let the pregnancy continue and let me adopt the child after the delivery.

No way! I’m going to have a baby of my very own in less than a year?! The surprise of this opportunity just landing in front of me added to the overwhelming excitement I felt. How could it be possible after all these years of searching and trying and loving to finally become a parent? It was simply an amazing turn of events and fortune.

Stop. My journey does not begin or end here. This moment is not mine any longer. After five months, the mother decided to raise the child with the grandmother. I was crushed, left alone, and hopeless. My heart, my brain, my every day, couldn’t handle the dramatic turn of events. There was no fortune coming for me.

I dropped everything, took a long trip to a far off place, and tried to rediscover life on a new path. When I returned home, I was still suffering the compounded losses I had endured. I needed help, so I sought out a counselor to help move on. I can’t remember how many days and weeks we talked when the idea of surrogacy was presented. I sort of heard of this idea but only remembered celebrities using the process and instantly dismissed it. I mentioned it to my father, who had been there and watched my journey painfully unfold. What seemed like the biggest moment to come so far, was still met with fear and lots of questions. My father said he would help me with the costs. I was in shock and elation all wrapped in a cautious container. A new plan was being put in place, and I had no idea what was to come.

The six months that followed, I tried to find an independent surrogate. Six months of searching and talking and testing, all of which lead to dishonesty and a failed match.

That didn’t work. ‘Let’s try an agency’, I thought. Yes, it’s expensive, but it will get me so much closer and faster to my journey’s end. Let’s do this!

I found an agency and they are so excited to help me! Yes, things are moving along and now I have a match! Oh wait a minute, the surrogate stopped talking. It’s alright, I can do this, let’s try again. Yes, another surrogate that is healthy and wants to help me! This is wonderful, we are talking and things are great. We are still talking, she really wants to help and can’t wait for me to be a father. How lucky am I, right? Wait… it’s six months later and we are just talking. Is this normal? Hello, agency, what is going on? I have a bad feeling about this. This feeling is familiar and it leads to heartache. This won’t stop me though, I can do this. Yes, I have another surrogate and she is motivated to help bring my baby into the world! Medical, passport, tests, psych, check, check, check, and check. Wow, we are finally doing this! This is so exciting, we are actually trying to start a pregnancy. Oh it’s been so long, so hard, could it be time?

What? the numbers are low, no pregnancy? Let’s try again as we can, it will work. Nothing again? Should we try one last time? Yes, it has to work this time. The embryo looks great and we have a plan. We get to transfer again. What? The betas for pregnancy were zero on the last test?

This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I read all these stories about how amazing surrogacy is. Why is it not happening this way right now for me? I need a change and it must happen right now.

Spoiler alert!!! This is where the happy ending is.

I was referred to JA Surrogacy, a new surrogacy agency. They were so excited and happy to make me a father, but I had heard that before. Somehow though, after all my previous disappointments, this felt right. They understand my journey. They know my pain. I think I might actually have found that amazing fortune that has been running away from me all these years. They made sure to eliminate any unnecessary delays and helped my surrogate at every turn. They always let me know ahead of time if there was an issue arising. It tears me up even today to be known and valued as a person. I call them all my baby angels. In no time my surrogate was screened, cleared, and pregnant. It was literally that fast. I was still vigilant and cautious, as many of you know, pregnancies are complicated and unpredictable. There was one frightful moment but it was minor and JA was there for me. My surrogate is wonderful. We live far apart but she sends me photos, audio, and videos of my little nugget. I am more than half way until the delivery date and I am finally able to let my guard down and truly enjoy my journey. I’m over the moon and counting my lucky stars every day.