Canadian Surrogacy: A Spouse’s view of the surrogate journey

Alanna with her children for the gender reveal

By Jeremy Geddes, Surrogate Partner Support

Very early on into our relationship, my wife, Alanna, had expressed an interest in becoming a surrogate. It was something she had always wanted to do. In the beginning, I didn’t want her to do it at all, as I didn’t want to ‘lose’ her for those 9 months. We were in a great spot and I didn’t want our lives to change. Little did I know, this journey would change our lives far more then I’d ever imagined.

In full transparency, my first initial thought when Alanna revisited this desire and told me she wanted to become a surrogate was... ’no’. How could she even consider this? Pregnancy is such a difficult time. I had all the doubts. We had just gotten really into fitness and collectively lost over 100 lbs together. From my point of view, it seemed like she was working backwards from what we had achieved together.

We had a lot of days that were very difficult and frustrating to say the least. And since I was against Alanna going through with this, I held a belief that I was being guilted into supporting her. This came with a lot of ups and downs. Do we do this? Do we not? Ultimately, I told her I would support her whichever way she chose, but I was less than thrilled when she decided to move forward with it.

Something that helped me come to the realization that Alanna needed to do this was the fact that she doesn’t ask much from me. She sacrificed herself for me for 8 years while I moved up in my career. Being there for me through all the long hours, shifts, and stress. She continually stepped up and did an amazing job raising our children, while simultaneously pushing me to keep going. Alanna helped me to become my own best self and sacrificed much of her own desires in the process. She single-handedly helped me develop into the man I am today.

Acknowledging all of this, made it so much easier for me to FULLY support her when it came to this journey. What kind of husband and life partner would I be if I couldn’t sacrifice my own wants for her for these nine months? I can't stress enough how IMPORTANT it is for a surrogate to have full support from their significant other. These women support us indefinitely, they deserve us during this journey more than ever! These women are powerhouses, but they need love and encouragement as well. If we don’t support them properly then it can and probably will lead to animosity towards each other post-birth.

Another ‘aha!’ moment hit me one day and added to my change in perspective... how different would my life be without my kids? Having kids literally switched my life from black and white to colour. Having a family was so easy for us. We wanted kids, so we had them. We never had to face the difficulty many others face. Once I came to that realization, I was fully on board.

*Alanna with CEO Jennifer and Surrogate Support Jessica at a JA Surrogacy Event*

The day Faustine, Alanna’s surrogate baby, was born I literally cried more than I did with my own kids. Watching the intended parents, Greg and Nicolas’s faces when she was born was amazing! Being able to be a part of that journey and support Alanna in giving them that gift, was one of the most heart warming experiences of my life.

As I reflect on the journey itself this year, the conclusion and overall nature of it, bringing a new life into this world has been so uplifting. A new life that was SOOO loved and cared for before she was even born. And I was able to bear witness and play my own role in it all. It was a journey that brought elevated spirits for Alanna and myself.

Being a part of the village that JA Surrogacy created has been so very fulfilling. We’ve forged bonds that I know will last a lifetime. In lieu of my previous concept of losing my wife for 9 months, we gained another portion of family. This experience changed my life, it changed our kid’s lives, and Alanna’s life most of all. As difficult as the pregnancy and everything that transpired throughout it was, I would happily sacrifice that time again to give this gift to someone else. Alanna is an amazing strong powerful woman and I will continue to support her 100%.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me about my outlook and thoughts as the proud husband of a surrogate, I'm always open to chat. I will be a part of the village for years to come. Jennifer thinks I'm absolutely hilarious, so you can’t kick me out that easily!

To request a call with our Surrogate Support team or to speak one-on-one with Jeremy, our Surrogate Partner Support worker, please contact us via the button below.