Breaking Barriers: A Single Man's Journey to Fatherhood
by Jose Manuel
In the world of surrogacy, I’m just another traveller looking for his dream.
My journey started two years ago. As a gay individual, there are many challenges to face when it comes to building a family. In my case, family is the foundation of my life. I have wonderful parents, and a sister who is the best gift they could have given me. I have always dreamed of transmitting all that love, of helping a person live, grow and be happy.
My work as a surgeon has developed a passion for humanitarian cooperation. During my trips to Africa, I've had the opportunity to visit many orphanages where I've met hundreds of children waiting for a loving family. But the answer was always the same: "A single man cannot adopt a child on this continent.” All of this left me devastated, above all, because of the obstacles that a single man encounters for any adoption process.
Being a single parent is sometimes a social stigma. Almost no one imagines their life without a mother. For me, my mother is the most important person in my life. And I know that as a single father, I’ll need to give 2x the love to my future child.
Surrogacy had always seemed very complex and daunting to me. After meeting a family that had carried out the process in Canada, I began to look more into the magnificent regulations of this country; altruistic, based on a good relationship with the surrogate, and always prioritizing the surrogate’s rights and decisions.
When I decided to explore surrogacy, I contacted JA Surrogacy Canada. Under the guidance of Jennifer Allen, the agency is run by a group of women who have been surrogates themselves and who help families through the process. I was drawn to the generosity and the human connections formed between the families and surrogates at the agency.
In the following months, I travelled to Ontario to provide my genetic material, the first step in the embryo creation process. I remember that trip with great emotion. I was full of so much hope for the future and for my journey to fatherhood.
I found an egg donor and she went for oocyte retrieval. A week later the doctor wrote to me to tell me that we had 7 embryos, I couldn't believe it! It had been 6 months of uncertainty about my genetic material prior to this. The doctor expressed concerns regarding the quality of my genetic material and I had to undergo additional treatments to ensure its improvement. I had fears that the egg donor would not continue with the process. Finally, everything came together and the doctor gave me great news, we had made it!
On Christmas 2022 I received an email; a surrogate had chosen my profile! I was very excited and thought, this is the best Christmas gift. A few days later, I had a video call with her. I tried to be polite, close, and convey humanity, but after that first call, she disappeared.
For days I wondered what I had done wrong. I began to understand that being a surrogate is big decision, that it´s normal for surrogates to experience doubts and that it´s an act of immense courage.
The match was broken and since then I have waited with patience and hope. During all this time I imagine the day when I´ll be chosen again, I strive to improve my English and prepare to assume the greatest responsibility of my life, having a child.
Although we all dream of the final destination, along the way I’ve met some wonderful people. From families with unique stories to agency staff who've encouraged our endeavours, every person we encounter leaves an impact. Last year Jennifer Allen passed away, the news saddened me. Some people dedicate their entire lives to improving the lives of others. Jennifer was certainly one of those people.
I feel that this wait will be worth it one day. The most meaningful things in life often take the most time. You have to fight for your dreams. One day, when you least expect it, a shooting star will appear and you need to be prepared.
You could be the one to help this incredible dad-to-be. Learn more about Jose Manuel by viewing his intended parent profile!